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Own Worst Enemy

I am my own worst enemy right now.
Most think prepping for competition, whether it’s bodybuilding, powerlifting, or any sport, is a total physical battle. But really, it’s a complete and total mental game. A 12+ week long process can take a toll on your body and mind. And the closer you get to the competition date, the harder things get mentally.
At 3 weeks out, the demons have settled in – negative self-talk, dissatisfaction with what you see in the mirror, life balance issues, unwanted stress, the list goes on.
I have an image in my head of what I want to look like on show day. And at 22 days out, I honestly don’t feel like I’m going to reach that image. A part of me feels like I am behind in my training and diet, and I would like to lose at least 4% body fat.
I constantly remind myself that: It’s a learning experience. I am coaching myself. And I think even if I had someone else coaching me, I would feel the same way. I would blame myself for whatever my results are, because ultimately, I am the one training and preparing/eating my food. It’s just a little more pressure on myself, but that’s good.
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I should probably throw/put away all of the mirrors in my apartment. Anytime I pass one, I critique my body >.< Although, I did write some motivation on my bedroom mirror, that way every time I’m in my room I see it and it switches the negative talk off.
Tired and hungry Mariah = Cranky and distracted Mariah. I’m keeping myself as positive as possible, and some days it’s really hard. I don’t want to build myself up too much, but I don’t want to break myself down either. Lately, I have been meditating every night before bed and using imagery and visualization to help myself become more confident with the next few weeks. My support group of friends and family have also been amazing in keeping me on track and keeping my head up.
I knew going into this that it would be a process. It has flown by, and I know the next 22 days are going to go even faster. This is also something that I have been waiting to do for years now, and I can’t give up now. I’ve come this far, I’ve put money into it, therefore I need to finish strong.
This is the point in prep where it determines whether you can handle it: the eating, training, stress, etc. And I think I will come out of this okay. No matter what, I am going to be extremely proud of myself for 1) deciding to compete and following through, 2) coaching myself. 3) jeweling my own suit, and 4) stepping on stage.

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